I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
