the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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