1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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