Banned from zoo.
Again?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
