The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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