So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
