you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
