The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
