He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
