it's too hot outside to masturbate.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
