2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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