Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
