The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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