i jhust puked up my retainher.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
