Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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