my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Two words: blizzard sex
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
