just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
