Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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