We're like a lot better than the average bears
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
