My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You made out with two different species that night
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
