dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We are two peas in an std pod
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
