How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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