Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
