I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You pole danced in your parka.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
