tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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