Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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