My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
smell my finger.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
