I skipped work to stalk him.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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