I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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