and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
