Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
