I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
