Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He passed out mid-signature
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
