I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize