why didn't you poke me back
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
