Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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