I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
