I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize