After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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