Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
