i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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