ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
