Why are handjobs necessary in class?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's just like the Real World with babies
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
