I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize