i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
