A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
