Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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