good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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