Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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