Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
