i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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