Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Don't you send me to vm
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
