He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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