i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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