no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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