I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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