so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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