Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
