i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
