Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
