Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize