go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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