Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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