i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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