make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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