Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
