I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
