who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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