nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
