He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
