Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
