I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
