Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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