My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I lost the right to judge tonight
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
