but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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