ugly people sure do ruin things
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
