I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
