Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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