omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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