Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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