why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
