Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
