a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
