youre lurking in front of me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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