So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
too bad you live with your parents still
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize