They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
