look no pants
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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