The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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