It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
