if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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