so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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