i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
