We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
