Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
