Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
