I'm jealous of your bromance
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
