yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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