There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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